So a very followed photog on FB posted an article that was entitled “I look down on young women with kids and husbands and I’m not sorry” Whoa! She had a ton of comments, most were from people who strongly disagreed. My first thought after reading the article was that it was a little outrageous and was meant just to get a rise out of people. Then I went on to read the comments in the blog and just commented that I loved how one person said, “I see a lot of cats in this womans future” LOL. As more people posted and I read their stories, I started to think about how this relates to me, how I have experienced both sides, and as I went to write my own comment it got too long….
Most women are naturally nurturers, we give life, and we love and nurture and to most it comes naturally, and most have a natural desire to do it, we can’t help it, it’s there inside of us, society or not, it is just in us.
I was in no hurry to marry and have kids, I grew up the oldest of 5 in a house, I knew it was hard, so we waited… I got asked a million times when are you going to get married, then, when are you going to have a baby, then, when are you going to have another…. I know it’s annoying. I had landed a job I loved that didn’t feel like work, I loved my boss, and co workers, it was perfect all I wanted was to get paid to do something I loved to do and I had it.
Baby #2 came and I decided to stay home with my children, She is 10 months and my son is 2 years and 10 months. I have been on both sides and I have mixed feelings, I miss working everyday and that fulfillment and sense of achievement you get at work, I miss the income and the independence I had, I miss the feeling of accomplishment. I still get all those feelings they just come from a different place. I am fulfilled knowing my kids have their mom all day everyday, I feel accomplished when I see my son is picking up all that I am trying to show him, he is super smart. I know I am where I am supposed to be when he says something for the first time or makes me crack up laughing, or when we have little conversations, when my daughter doesn’t have to cry longer than I want her to, when she eats what I want her to the way I want her to, she gets the interaction and time with me I want her to have. I wouldnt have it any other way, I would be heartbroken to drop off my kids at a daycare at 7 a.m., I am just saying for ME… I gave up the career (for now) while they are babies, to have them wake up and see their mother, to have me love them and take care of them allll day, teach them, talk to them, and feed them, I want it to be me. I think it is important that it be me, and I think it will make a big difference that it was me. Being that this is financially even possible for us makes it a no brainer, I realize many woman wish they could stay home with their kids, I consider myself very lucky to be able to and so I take advantage of being able to.
I do the mind numbing housework now, If I was working we could probably pay someone to do it but it is now part of my job description. Let me tell you going to the job I had was like a vacation compared to caring for my kids and home full time, don’t get it twisted, it is work. Not everyone is cut out for it, I am not the best at it but I try, my kids are my priority. For a while I did both with one child and I would literally feel a bit guilty that I was at work “relaxing”, and “playing”… Yes I loved what I did and loved not doing all the housework and making things happen out in the world, but I love my kids more, nothing can compare to the countless moments I am able to witness being here with them, having this time with them is priceless, no dream job, no income could make me miss this… to some it seems so boring, so meaningless, so torturous, or so easy… but going back to my first statement – I think people that see it that way are just not natural nurturers, they probably don’t have kids, and probably shouldn’t because they don’t have that same desire, and they are meant to be great at other things. Not ALL women are made to do the same thing. Thats great for them, some women do it all and while that is another topic all together, I say more power to them, I respect all women who go after what they want and make it happen, lIVE your life and do what makes YOU happy.
It isn’t so black and white though, I think times are changing and lots of women wait to have babies, stay at home moms get praised and get looked down on, so does the working mom… so does the woman who chooses not to have children, we are lucky to have so many choices, can’t make everyone happy… good thing we get to do what makes US happy. However if we all started to think like the woman who wrote that article… stop having babies, and be career women… then what? You have your work and your money and your things, and the big, beautiful, well kept (by a housekeeper) , quiet, still, house… so quiet that in the silence you might realize that there must be more to life than that. There is a reason why we celebrate marriage and babies coming – LIFE is about LOVE and those things usually help make that happen. Yes, education and promotions are to be applauded, my family made a big deal for us when we graduated from college, as they should… but those accomplishments don’t really bring you more LOVE they bring you knowledege, status, money, and things… which are amazing and nice to have… but we celebrate the things that bring our lives more love and joy. Some people think that love and joy come from things and power but even rich and powerful people know to celebrate marriage and children because when it comes down to it, all we have are our loved ones and life is about loving and enjoying eachother, and being a good person, helping others out. In the end I don’t think anyone is thinking about their careers, or their bank accounts.
So I was a working woman had the full time, commute, meetings, deadlines, the boss, the hustle….and now I am a working woman, still a full time, even more of a full time, it’s 24/7. it’s just a different job, there are deadlines all day, you are on a tight schedule and nothing can be put off until tomorrow with kids, it doesn’t matter if you just want to go home for the day, you can’t call in sick. They depend on you. There is no paycheck. It’s just a different job, the most important one I will ever have, I only get one shot at it, I chose it and while I can’t make everyone else happy, I am happy and my children are happy and that is what matters to me.
So with that, since this is my photo blog… here is a photo of me with my baby girl when she was 7 days old.